#and for some reason it gets 100x worse when i go to work

[mochiimadness]

I wonder what it would be like for Splinter if he fell in love? This isn't an xreader thing, for obvious reasons. It's just a scenario I haven't really seen explored for his character, and I'm curious how you'd portray it.

Hello! I wasn’t sure which version of Splinter you wanted, so I did both! Also, I could write a splinter x reader if someone requested it (not sure what you meant by 'obvious reasons' /lh), I did not make this one a splinter x reader tho ^^

2012 Splinter

Oh Hamato Yoshi, a man of so little yet so many words-

It takes him a bit to actually fall in love

He is hesitant about pursuing another romantic relationship

Is genuinely traumatized from his last one

Rightfully so, he saw his wife die, daughter as well (or so he thought for years) all at the hands of someone he onced called his brother- only to get mutated soon after.

Yeah… not a very good experience…

But when he falls, he is absolutely devoted to his person

He is very formal, approaching his crush in a gentlemanly manner

Is kinda old fashioned

The type to bring flowers and open doors for his partner

When he was with Tang Shen, he ended up losing sight of what was important

And became very distant and dismissive

He knows better now, and makes sure to go out of his way to pay attention

He does still struggle though,

Often choosing to meditate over quality time

As his relationship grows, however, he becomes better at being present.

Makes sure to set time aside for his partner

He doesn’t mind doing whatever, but he does prefer quieter activities-

A drama show perhaps, or drinking tea together.

As he becomes more relaxed in his relationship-

His playful side emerges

And surprisingly- he can be very goofy

I mean- he has a cheese phone in a glass case. He chose that. It’s meant for serious emergencies- you can’t tell me he wasn’t making a joke about his current mutation.

He tells dad jokes- really corny ones too

And his laugh is a full-on belly laugh where he throws his head back

He enjoys making his beloved laugh,

Will sometimes even ask Michelangelo for any new jokes to tell!

Overall, he's very sweet, goofy and old-fashioned with his partner,

He is also incredibly protective- perhaps a bit over protective

But considering the fact that he and his family are being hunted down by the man who killed his last wife-

His over protectiveness is warranted.

Does NOT take chances- if his beloved is captured, he is going there and demolishing anyone who gets in his way.

Makes sure his beloved is okay, before taking them home to curl up and watch some old drama show

Cheese-sicles included.

Rise Splinter

This may or may not come as a surprise-

But I honestly think it takes him a while to truly fall in love with someone

I feel like he has some trust issues

Definitely has high walls when it comes to relationships

Being a popular celebrity back in day taught him a thing or two about letting people get too close

Most people were usually only after him for his fame and fortune-

Looking to use him to rise to the top themselves

So he made sure to keep a decent distance

Until Big Mama of course

Which only made his trust issues 100x worse.

If he were to fall in love again, it would only be after a long time

There needs to be a very strong, and very solid foundation of trust

He would like to avoid being locked up and forced to fight to the death again, thank you very much.

On top of his trust issues-

He has major abandonment issues

If he ever went through with trying to have another relationship,

There would need to be a lot of communication-

Lots of working on and assuring him that his partner isn’t going anywhere.

As for his behavior??

He’s very avoidant in a rather outgoing way

It’s kinda weird to witness actually

The second he realizes he actually has romantic feelings for someone- he’s panicking

Tries to avoid them but also makes sure to be nice

He’s nowhere in sight whenever his crush is around but if they happen to catch him?

He’s chatting up a storm, sitting them down for a cup of tea or some food

Casually handing them a slice of pizza and once their attention is on it

Poof- vanished from sight once they turn around.

Once he starts actually giving a relationship a try though??

Man is whipped with a capital W

THE BIGGEST SIMP EVER

Quality time??? Physical touch???? GIFT GIVING??!?!?!!

His crush is getting it all

Quality time is an absolute must, he always wants to be around them no matter what it is they’re doing.

Knitting? He’s there.

2am snacks?? He already has their favorite

Movie time???? He made sure his projector is completely repaired AND made the couch the comfiest spot ever.

Loves to cuddle and hold hands, generally likes to be in contact with his beloved in anyway he can

Will even wrap his tail around one of their limbs if his hands are full

*cough* or if he’s too lazy to move from his comfy position *cough*

And on top of that?? He actually has decent money from his time as Lou Jitsu

He can and will have his sons help him figure out online ordering.

His beloved is getting any and everything they want

Only the best for them, he makes sure to buy top quality items

A lot of the gifts are an eyesore to look at though- his personal taste is…. intense…

Thankfully, his family helps him out.

Overall a very attentive, but clingy, partner

Will proudly boast about his beloved to anyone who asks (or doesn’t)

Has one of those wallets with the long long photo strips

He shoves them in everyone’s faces

I hope you enjoyed!! Apologies for the long wait;;

[bomber-grl]

Leo Valdez relationship hc♡

₊˚⊹Pairing(s): Leo Valdez x Gn!reader (no pronouns/no specific godly parent)

₊˚⊹Warning(s): Some cringe things so proceed with caution 😭

If you thought he was annoying he gets 100x worse

Like you know that one friend that gets a lil too comfortable around you?

Yea well that’s him except he’s your boyfriend

Now, I kinda sorta imagine diff sides of him as ur bf

So the most obvious way is him acting annoyingly clingy and such

He’s always cuddling up to you, calling you cringe nicknames/pet names, and just being so clingy and affectionate

Not that you hate it

He’s so sweet too, like he knows he’s annoying and stuff but for the most part it’s just to tease or mess with you

And when it comes to the more emotional part of the relationship, he’s there

You can only guess it’s because of how he always tries to hide his true feelings behind jokes and humor

Due to your relationship you two began getting closer and thus conversations of his true feelings and thoughts were revealed along the way.

So it just makes you sad that not enough people realize how sad and miserable he can be sometimes.

The reality of this slaps you in the face when you accidentally stumbled into him bawling his eyes out and very obviously going through something serious, then starts laughing and throwing out jokes at his own expense

Like why??

All you could think of doing was hugging him. Really settled in stone that y’all are 4lifers

Continuing from that, he really does like you

Like all his life he was literally “the other woman” in the sense that no one ever wanted him back.

So once you return his feelings he’s bamboozled

He genuinely takes a step back and tells you to stop joking around.

That’s how bad it was

Well, because of how taken back he was he not only made jokes but eventually realized there was no reason to use them as a cover anymore and just hugged and thanked you.

Yea, thanked you for liking him

Most times you enjoy each-others company in either your cabin, if not in bunker 9

While you’re just chilling in there practicing or doing whatever and him just working on a project he asks what makes him so attractive to you

Of course he drops jokes like “ofc I’m super sexy” or “how could u resist me?”

But when you ultimately tell him what you liked about him and how cute you found him-

He flusters

Badly

How easy it is to fluster him is one thing you absolutely love about him

He’s always getting overly cocky and flirting with you like there’s no tomorrow while dropping the most down right horrendous pet names known to man

(Ex: pookie wookie bear, sugar booger, etc)

Most times when Leo would flirt with girls in the past they’d ignore him and basically look down on him. ( which we all know)

Well when your lovely ass comes around he does the same routine

But unlike before, you actually reciprocate this flirting

And he combusts on the spot

*leo exe has stopped working*

Quite literally

He’s so unused to his affections being returned it’s literally whiplash the second it is

Gets to the point where he’s so embarrassed from your constant harassing teasing and flirting that he covers his face and basically whines out, begging for you to stop.

What a simp

(This statement is quite literally acknowledged by everyone else too LMAOO)

aside from that, he’s super hot

Literally

Concerningly so, especially during the summer

And it’s the absolute worse

Not only do you have to worry over him potentially over heating and passing out -

But also worry about yourself passing out CUZ THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW PERSONAL SPACE!!!😭😭😭

He’s always clinging onto you and it could be 100 degrees outside and he truly does not give a flying fuck

It gets to the point where you have to peel him off of you, or at least beg someone else to do so in your place

And then he pouts and acts upset like??

Would he rather you die of over heating??😭

Like sorry we all ain’t fire resistant 🙄

Your personality takes a whole 180 during winter

Sure, they have the weather controller dome at camp but during missions that’s when you cling to him.

He always just lets you because of how touch starved the poor guy is.

(You probably are too if we’re being real here)

In the case that the weather controller isn’t working and it starts snowing then you most definitely sneak him in your cabin or bunker 9-

(I firmly believe he would build beds or sum shit for y’all to hang there and eat snacks)

And y’all would cuddle. You’d be warmly tucked under the sheets away from the harsh winds and hearing nothing else but each others breath.

Going back to physical affection in your relationship- home dude would be stressingggg

He’s be so nervous and his heartbeat would speed up anytime you’d hug and hold his hand.

Again, he gets way clingier and once y’all kiss there ain’t no going back.

He’s stuck to you forever.

If you ever want to cuddle or sleep in the same bed as him for a “sleepover”-ish thing then best believe dudes gonna be the worst sleepover- partner??

Just imagine this-

Leo, you ,both laying side by side under warm sheets on a dark winter night.

No light besides that of the moon and y’all have been pretty intimate and emotional. Just getting to know each-other on another level

Finally you’re falling asleep, your lids are drooping and you breath calms down after Leo shed a few tears.

Then all you hear is-

“Bro imagine if-“

Literal slap to the face

Like you can’t tell me he doesn’t say the most random shit and stops yall from actually sleeping. Literally has y’all giggling and shit all night.

If you’re in your cabin and you have siblings- they literally tell you to shut the fuck up and be grateful they let ur lil boyfriend sleep there without snitching.

Like goddamn

Never have y’all once slept in Leo’s cabin because how how fucking weird his siblings are-

Anyway 🙃

Bro is always showing you off

He has you on his arm and always saying shit about how he pulled a baddie

Like, sir, you’re the baddie

Anyway

Best believe home dude spoils you

Like sure, sometimes he’s a lil broke but he’s always making and buying you little things

Which is honestly so sweet 😭😭

Especially when you react by cuddling him and just peppering his face in kisses

He’s glad to have you as his significant other

I mean in his own words

“All da ladies love Leo”

(Ofc replaced w a Gn term cuz I’m sure everyone loves Leo lmao)

[dannymigimart]

Invader Zim Jekyll and Hyde AU idea??? warning: insane cringe rambling

expanding on ideas i got from this post

so at first i was thinking the au would be about zib because of a cool idea someone commented on my other post and i still think that’s an interesting and good idea, but the more i thought about it i kind of just liked another idea more:

maybe it’s not zib at all? im thinking maybe zim doesn’t really “exist” until dib takes the potion and then once he takes it, zim is “created” because of like concentrating all that dib was trying to separate from himself from which is like literally what hyde is in canon so whatever. i think this is more interesting because it would mean that like jekyll and hyde, zim and dib are the same person in this au, just split in two

the potion is made using stuff in membranes lab following the instructions of some crazy thing he found online or something like those internet ghost challenges only like 100x worse. that or it could be from one of his spell drives i don’t know.

dib takes it because of similar reasons to jekyll he just wants to separate himself of the “less desirable” parts of his brain- aka everything that other people think is weird about him. he wants to be the perfect scientist son that his dad wants. obviously it ends up splitting his mind into two- zim and dib, with dib in this case being jekyll and zim being hyde.

i feel like to explain why zim is.. y’know.. an alien, it could be because that’s kind of part of what dibs trying to repress- his obsession with things like ghosts and cryptids and aliens because that’s what gets him ostracized from everyone else and what keeps him from being like his dad and somehow it just kind of takes the most literal form possible when being concentrated into zim

this is gonna be kind of weird because originally the potion in the strange case was made to separate the “good” and “bad” of the human soul and for this it’s more of just what dib doesn’t like about himself BUT i gueesssss it would work because like zim is evil and stuff so im thinking he definitely could also be that concentrated evilness and hate for the people that rejected dib in his life?? idk this is just a brain dump i’ve already accepted that none of this makes sense

so also in the strange case hyde comes off as less of his own person and more of an alter ego for jekyll to do whatever he wanted i guess buuut i’m thinking i might not follow that completely?? because i think some other interpretations where jekyll and hyde are at least a little more separate are more interesting

bee tee dubs i’m thinking that when split, dib is going to lose some if not most of his fascination with the paranormal because that is kind of what he’s trying to do with the whole thing he’s gonna lose that and his insane-ness to zim BUT i still want him to be just a little crazy because he’s not really dib without it. i think this will make it kind of an uneven split so zim will have some of dibs traits still and vice versa

this au wouldn’t be the exact same as the strange case bc it’s kind of boring to just take a preexisting thing and slap new faces onto it but i do want to keep some plot points ex: the identity reveal to lanyon.

so far ive got ideas for one role- gaz being lanyon. she thinks dib’s obsession with the paranormal is stupid asf but when it comes down to it she still cares about him and vice versa and in the end dib trusts her. she’s probably not adopting any of novella lanyon’s traits she’s just taking his role as he’s kind of like a long time frenemy and who else would fit that best than dibs sister. ofc alternatively professor membrane could also take that role though so i still need to think on that

[leonenjoyer69]

Do you got some angsty headcanons for Elias? Elias and anyone else?

Apologies that this took actual weeks to get to, but we're so fucking back (this is also an answer for @dustmint who asked the same >:3)

Okay, starting off, (I think I may have mentioned it before but who knows,) Elias is lowkey a workaholic, for many different reasons tho!!

First of all, out the gate he has that work ethic that Lanyon Sr. tried to encourage Robert to have. Elias has to keep himself busy somehow, so why not get things done? Like previously stated, he has more of an affinity for all the doctory stuff Lanyon learned, so he tends to play doctor for the society. Otherwise, he also helps Jekyll with paperwork, no matter how boring, because the light thanks he gets at the end makes it worth it.

Secondly, and back onto the keeping busy part, Elias is restless af. Being more emotional and such, he's very prone to over thinking and spiraling over things- thinking he's not enough, or that people hate him, etc.- and gets overwhelmed by his thoughts quite easily (think like Hyde in Shatter me!, when he's getting chased and such, his thoughts becoming more base and fearful.), he's generally able to hide it though. When he's around Jekyll/Hyde these thoughts tend to go away, and when he's actively working or being praised/complimented for his work, they also tend to calm. So, when Jekyll/Hyde are unavailable and Lanyon let's him take over (usually after much nagging, bribery, or pleading) he buries himself in work. Whether that be medical research, paperwork, cleaning, or anything else he can do to keep occupied, he doesn't really care.

Because of this excessive emotional instability and restlessness, Lanyon tends to snap at him a LOT when they're alone together, Especially because Elias avoids going into the subconscious as much as possible. Being outside with only the presence of his other half? Overwhelming and usually not great, but being completely alone and numb in the subconscious? 100x worse to him. After the first time Lanyon finally bullied Elias into the subconscious, he came back a couple hours later near hysterical. after that debacle, Lanyon just decided that Elias bugging him and floating around with minimal breakdowns and complaining was better than having to deal with that again.

Also, Elias is absolutely obsessed with Jekyll and Hyde. Practically codependent, he's like a puppy. He yearns to be around either of them at basically all times, and when he isn't he, of course, becomes super restless and lowkey depressed. Also, the thoughts that tend to mess him up the most are ones related to them, like Jekyll or Hyde actually hating him, or thoughts of something horrible happening to them, like getting caught or hurt, or even killed.

There are times though where he's able to sit and think without absolutely spiraling though. Usually when he feels this sort of emotional content, he'll go to a park and climb up and sit in the trees (usually at night, to watch the sky). These tend to be the nights where Lanyon and Elias have more of their heart to hearts, since Elias is more mellow and less likely to get emotional. Also, any trinkets or gifts from Jekyll/Hyde tend to soothe him a decent bit, as well as wearing or cuddling up with any stolen clothes.

Those heart to hearts don't tend to help with their constant disdain for each other though. Elias wants to constantly be in control and occupied and around Jekyll/Hyde. Lanyon, of course, also wants to be in control, because he does NOT like having that control stripped from him, especially when he's forced to watch his other half live the life that HE wants. They tend to fight for control a lot, and quite quickly have accidentally done half transformations multiple times ( I actually have a fic idea for this teehee :3). Otherwise, like previously stated, Lanyon is VERY jealous of Elias, for many reasons-- His work ethic and the praise he gets, how forward he is with Jekyll, how much more people seem to enjoy his company than Lanyon's, things like that.

Quick thing for Jekyll and Hyde too! Jekyll tends to get a bit self conscious when Elias gets touchy, mainly because he's half convinced that no part of Lanyon really loves him and that he's just gonna get used and heart broken again, despite how utterly romantic Elias acts (which Jekyll still tends to absolutely eat up). Hyde doesn't have such qualms, he absolutely thrives on all the physical contact and kissing and such. The romanticism tends to throw him off though, makes him super flustered and kinda makes him shut down a bit.

Okay! That's all I've really got for now. Once again, sorry this took so long 💀 if there's anything more specific or questions about how he would react to specific situations perhaps, feel free to send an ask, my inbox is always open, even if it takes a minute for me to get to it 💀

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

once again losing my mind over hotd's writing bc just when i think they finally nailed it, it turns out it's 95% okay to pretty good, and then that last 5% is absolute dogshit to the point that it threatens the entire script with utter mediocrity. every now and then an actor will talk about how much freedom they get during a scene which is great, but how does that work when the writers and showrunners seem 100% aligned with some actors in some scenes, leading to alignment with the audience as well - and sometimes, it's like the writers showrunners and actors are all living on different planets.

like you want this thing with alicent and cristy cole to be this seductive intrigue, but meanwhile the audience is still wondering how the hell we got here. we have alicent hightower who is so tradcath she couldn't imagine a worse fate for a woman than being "sullied" out of wedlock when she was a teenager, she cared for viserys but had no passion for him (had no passion for anything besides her own children and her own trauma tbh), you cannot convince me that she ever thought of sex as anything pleasurable or even remotely intriguing after the life she has led, and we're just expected to believe that she has a spicy affair with the lord commander of the kingsguard? the thing is, i could believe it. but like, you've gotta put in the work to make that happen. you have to write it down. you have to tell us how we got here. subtext doesn't just materialize out of thin air, subtext is part of writing too. there's a reason why when you read asoiaf, everyone who reads it picks up on the same subtext at the same time, because it is put there on purpose, not just assumed that everyone will come to the same conclusion about some vague noncommittal strokes.

it was bad enough that rhaenyra and daemon had hardly any dialogue in season 1 about their relationship, but they still made it work because they at least got the screentime. the worst part is that the weird close-talking alicent and cole did in season 1 was 100x more interesting than whatever is going on here. like fabien frankel correctly interpreted cole as absolutely dead inside beyond anything that has to do with rhaenyra (onto whom he projects all his embarrassment and fear), olivia cooke is doing her absolute best to keep alicent rooted, and the script is giving them absolutely nothing besides instructions to look at each other meaningfully and it's giving absolutely nothing, idk, and they don't even really do that bc they still don't show cole's face much. what is even going on here

same issues now with rhaenyra and daemon bc the showrunners say "they've got each other's backs" and we can clearly see with our eyes that daemon does not have rhaenyra's back. and rhaenyra lets him do whatever bc she can't control him and for no other reason. this is, in fact, far from the first time he has abandoned her in her hour of need, and far from the first time he has broken a promise to her. rhaenyra's dialogue is relegated to stating the obvious and telling us exactly what she is thinking at all times, while daemon's dialogue is either thin or nonexistent because since season 1, the writers have interpreted "morally gray" as "we will not write down his motivations bc you have to decide his motivations for yourself." which is not only not what morally gray means, but it's also why the audience is at best completely confused about who daemon is as a character.

[wufflesvetinari]

hello! i was blown away by your fantastic astarion/tav fic and this is how i found you, hope that's okay. :) you say dnd is about being a cleric to you, and i was wondering if you'd ever be open to expanding on that? i'm interested in playing a cleric in my next campaign, but i'm a little gunshy

(the fic, for reference)

hi yes hello!! i'm so glad you liked the fic, first of all, i had never written anything quite like it (essentially canon/oc fic. video game fandom is weird. i love it)

secondly i am so glad you've given me an excuse to talk about this!!! i love playing clerics for a few reasons. in order of simplest to most complicated:

1). on a purely mechanical level i love their versatility; that you can both deal heavy damage and protect your friends. i think the existence of Healing Word makes clerics 100x more fun than they would be otherwise, because then you can both attack and heal in the same turn. i am someone who LIKES feeling that responsibility for the party each turn, and feeling like each choice involves sacrifice: thinking through who can make it through the next turn without healing vs. needing it now, whether to remove a status effect (using a full action) or let it wear out, etc. you do get the fun of essentially fireballing your enemies while also doing powerful utility stuff (that plants the seeds for interesting character relationships too imo)

2). god the roleplay potential??? it's so good??? you have a very strong "type" you're playing against: the stereotype of a "person of the cloth" existing makes it twice as fun to be, like, a little nihilistic or a little sexy or a little angry, but always always driven by that core of Belief inside of you. all the better if the belief system doesn't naturally fit with the character's personality, and you have to reconcile those things. it builds someone complex

also like. roleplaying a cleric (or a paladin) is marinating yourself in the midpoint between human fallibility and divine "infallibility," wherein actually sometimes it's the human fallibility that needs to win out over the inflexibility of dogma. it's a bit warlock-y in that you are making decisions both for what the character wants to do and what they feel they MUST do per the voice in their head. but it's still flavored differently because, in theory, the cleric has opted into this for moral/belief reasons! and those reasons get to be challenged or reinforced through the campaign

3). world building! you get to parse out how a belief system works in the day-to-day. rn i have two clerics who are driven by a belief in how they need to ethically act in the world (lash as well as duna, an ornery old lady grave cleric--spoiler, they have very different definitions of "ethical") but also an alien cleric in a homebrew campaign whose gods actually dont give a shit about how he interacts with outsiders because that pantheon’s entire existence is built around protecting and saving one specific alien species. the decisions that cleric makes are going to be extremely different than the first two, but i'm always going to be thinking about how those belief systems affect his actions, and when he pushes back (and how much he is ALLOWED to push back).

ngl the psychological element is twice as interesting to me as someone who grew up in a religious environment. what do i appreciate about that kind of person that could be amplified? what Makes Everything Worse?

anyway i hope some of this was helpful!!

[thevoidismyhome2000]

I have lived my whole life (23 years old) with mild-to-moderate hearing loss & hearing aids (got when 2 years old). I personally can hear most high pitches rather well, but can't hear most lower pitches. Ofc higher volumes of anything can be heard better than lower volumes. I had tubes in my ears until I was 16 that presumably helped with hearing, but they left me prone to ear infections if any water got in, and required special eardrops. Hearing aids add: Can't shower, sleep, or swim with hearing aids; Have to clean hearing aids fairly often to avoid them getting plugged up with earwax; Have to change the batteries often (the hearing aids give a little dying jingle to let me know when battery time is coming) I often have to ask people to repeat themselves, even with my hearing aids. However, asking them to repeat themselves frustrates everyone involved. I get frustrated over not hearing, even though I can do literally nothing about not hearing. They get frustrated from repeating themselves or from lacking the patience to help me hear. Accents make every challenge about 100x worse, and if someone moves their lips in an odd way, it can mess up any lip reading skills I have. Phone calls are a nightmare, due to the lack of lip reading usefulness, and the fact that sometimes it seems like people use tin cans and strings in this day and age. I prefer emails and text. Knowing the weather is very important, as if it's rainy, I have to wear a coat, and I can't own hoodless coats for that reason. My hearing aids (last I knew) cost $900 and I'm at the age where my Health insurance will only cover one hearing aid every 5 years (I need to get 2 new ones every 3-5 years) Sign language, to my knowledge (I know very little), has a different grammar and sentence structure than other languages, but I'd recommend looking this up because I'm not knowledgeable. Due to some shenanigans surrounding my mom and me having different mouth structures and my deafness, I ended up in speech therapy, and while I'm pretty well adjusted, I do have words that I still struggle on, due to both speed and sounding them out. Similar sounding words and sentences can mess me up when it comes to communicating, cause I can hear one thing but the person said something different. Due to my deafness, I am more sensitive to light, and more reliant on my eyesight. In highschool, a science teacher decided to show the fight-or-flight response by going to the back of the class and slamming a book on a desk. But I kept my eyes on him and avoided the scare, because of the way my brain relies on my eyes. I still get startled a lot, but I lean more on visual information compared to others. I know I mention my hearing aids a lot, but that's because without my hearing aids I legitimately would not be able to work at my job (Customer Service), or interact with basically anyone outside of my family and friends. I could use self-check, but it'd still be risky if the Self-Check Host decides to talk to me without my hearing aids. (Also, when using earbuds, I can't use hearing aids and vice versa, so I often end up completely deaf when biking to and from work) Fun Fact 1: The reason behind deafness is a bunch of little hairs inside your ear which vibrate when sound hits and transfer that sound into like electrical signals your brain can interpret and recognize as sound. These little hairs do not regrow. If they're gone, they're gone. If they're damaged, they're damaged for good. Fun Fact 2: When they say the decibles are 10x louder, what they actually mean is it's 10 times the original 10. Meaning the 10x louder thing is actually 100x louder (I think, but I would recommend double checking lol, it's been a while). Protect your ears. I noticed in the tags you mentioned your character would have moderate hearing loss. That means that, compared to my experience, they might have less pitches and such they can hear, or the pitches they can't hear at all. They will probably have a sense that is stronger, and have a larger reliance on one of the other senses. Hope this helps.

Deaf and hard of hearing people of tumblr, do you have any advice on how to create a character with hearing loss?

[a-little-monotonous]

guess I'm stuck with the caffeine diet no matter what I do

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

So when reading MHA fan fics I notice that a lot of writers tend to rework characters like Bakugo, Dabi, and Inko to the point where they are extremely ooc compared to their canon counterparts. But how come Mineta doesn’t receive that same treatment? Like so many writers will make Inko abusive, Dabi a caring brother who loves Shoto and his other siblings, and Bakugo as Midoriya’s protective super best friend. But why don’t they just do the same for Mineta and rewrite his character so that he’s not a perv? Because like the examples I previously listed, it’s not like they care about keeping characters close to their canon counterparts.

Whether for the best or worse, the fandom loves to either mischaracterize or reinvent characters. In some instances, like with Dabi, it can work as him still caring about his family sans Endeavor could make for some decent storytelling (honestly with Dabi I like both canon’s and fanon’s characterization of him for different reasons). Others like Inko being made into a bad mom or All Might being made into a quirkist idiot is people misunderstanding the characters and either is to prop other characters up (like how quirkist All Might is used to prop Dadzawa despite Shota being far worse of a teacher than All Might) and/or used for unnecessary angst. There’s only one or two instances where I’ve seen All Might painted in a negative light that actually made for some great storytelling, but otherwise it’s a dumb trope made by people who don’t get his character. Katsuki, being as “beloved” as he is, has people who have major BakuBoners for him, excusing his actions, making him into some sort of victim, and/or some amazing person. There are literal fics where Izuku is rightfully mad at Katsuki after airing out their laundry but 1-A is mad at Izuku for not wanting to forgive Katsuki. There is a trope I do like and it’s one where either Katsuki is childhood friends with Izuku and/or is neutral towards him. These fics tackle his inferiority/superiority complex in ways which make Katsuki actually feel human.

With Minoru, a lot of the fandom loves to write him off as an irredeemable pervert and they don’t bother fleshing out his character/giving him a redemption story of his own. This comes off as hypocritical to me because Katsuki is arguably just as bad, if not worse than Minoru. Katsuki attempted murder three times and tortured a boy for 10+ years. And no, I’m not undermining sexual assault. That shit’s vile and should never happen. What I’m saying is that we as an audience see Katsuki commit more crimes at a much larger frequency than we see Minoru commit his crimes. There’s also the fact that Minoru is also punished for his actions while Katsuki gets his dick sucked off 24/7. While Minoru’s punishments are certainly not severe enough, the fact he’s punished makes him 100x better than how Katsuki’s handled. He’s also a background character, so the narrative doesn’t bother to develop him much either, whereas with Katsuki the narrative sucks his dick and tries to tell us he’s developed, tricking people into believing that he has. Minoru is a character I want to go over in my other blog some time, but in conclusion, Minoru’s status as a background character and his problematic behavior are what steers most people away from him, hence why the “Minoru Mineta is expelled” tag is so popular. Meanwhile, Katsuki’s a major character constantly shoved down people’s throats and the audience is tricked by the narrative to view him as a complex character when he’s not, making people coddle/love him and are willing to put effort into redeeming him. At the end of the day, it’s their Fanfiction and they can do whatever they want, but it is a huge turnoff for me is when Minoru is expelled while nothing happens to Katsuki (or worse, his dick is sucked).

[claratyler]

hi i have yet another composing question if you dont mind. i would like to know what notation software you use. ive been told to upgrade to a paid software, specifically Dorico. i heard that sibellius is also popular but it's a nightmare to use

i dont mind at all!

I've also heard dorico is really good but for some reason, ive tried to download the free trial like 3 times and i've been unable to ever set it up. Like I cant even get the program to open ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The only people i've met who use dorico have all had macbooks, whereas i'm on a windows laptop. Maybe thats why, tbh idk. If you CAN get it to work, I'd definitely recommend you try dorico, especially if your classmates and teachers also use it and can help you with any questions you have.

I use sibelius and it IS a fucking nightmare, but the reason it's a nightmare is because i'm using non-"traditional" notation, with graphic elements and the like. If the type of music you write uses solely standard means of notations, i'd go as far as recommend sibelius for you because it's quite easy to use.

Finale is another software, one I think I might migrate to, since i've been told it's less nightmarish that sibelius when it comes to non-traditional notation. This one's a bit old school, but i did try a free trial once and it seems to work fine. The reason i didnt stick with it is because all softwares have a learning curve, and for better or for worse, i am an expert sibelius user (even if some non-standard things are 100x harder that they should be) and i havent had the time to really sit down an learn a new software all over again.

So basically i'd recommend that

If you can, upgrade to dorico

If dorico doesn't open for you as it didn't with me, upgrade to sibelius if you use purely standard notation

And if dorico doesn't open for you and you also plan on using non-standard notation, upgrade to finale

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 302: As the Todoroki Turns

Previously on BnHA: 

Today on BnHA: We have a very fun chapter in which (1) Shouto grows up lonely on account of his parents being worried that his siblings will literally try to kill him, (2) Natsu and Fuyu grow up neglected on account of not being special and/or self-destructive enough to attract attention, (3) we get to revisit all of that exciting spousal abuse from chapter 39, and (4) Touya burns to death right on cue, pretty much exactly like we expected it to happen. Thankfully since this is a shounen manga, Horikoshi finds some hope in all this misery as the Todoroki family rallies together, with Shouto getting his long-overdue credit for being a perfect sweet angel who put up with all of this shit for sixteen years and somehow came out of it strong and kind and empathetic and determined. Anyway, so that flashback was a barrel of laughs. But now that it’s over, we can put all of that angst behind us, and move on to... well I guess, probably, more angst. Look, we’re short on variety at the moment. Bear with it.

ouch. we knew this was coming, but still

A+ parenting move there. “ho boy, our eldest just tried to murder our youngest, now what? hmm how about we isolate our youngest from all human contact”

though in their defense, we probably shouldn’t have expected this rabidly strength-obsessed fire man and his wife who was groomed since childhood to obey her family’s whims to have any idea of how to raise stable, well-adjusted offspring

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS

this is a perfect example of Enji’s tragically self-revolving viewpoint right here. just because being a hero is your entire world doesn’t mean you can just excuse yourself from anything outside of that and act like it’s out of your control. “alas, all I care about is hero stuff and my son can’t be a hero, we are doomed to inhabit two different worlds” no you jackass, it’s called having more than one hobby?? figuring out how to spend some time with your son that doesn’t involve training?? the same exact thing you were telling him to do last week, while ignoring that you’ve never done that yourself in your life??

that said, yet again we have that complexity though because it’s obvious that Enji at least on some level is aware of his own flaws, even though he seems unwilling or unable to confront them. honestly, from what we’ve seen so far, Enji’s obsession with surpassing All Might might be more accurately called an addiction. he literally can’t let go of it even though he’s fully aware of how it’s slowly destroying his life. and so in the same way that a lifelong smoker or alcoholic might tell their child to stay away from cigarettes and booze, Enji tells Touya not to follow down the same path as him, even though he himself doesn’t know how to leave that path. so yes, it’s hypocritical as fuck, but there’s also an element of helplessness there as well because Enji literally doesn’t know how not to be like this

though all the same he sure could stand to put in more than just a token effort. but it is what it is, and we already know how much he’ll come to regret it

and meanwhile Baby Shouto has frozen his sleep bubble with his quirk lmao. so I guess his quirk did come in early. that’s a recipe for chaos right there

once again Shouto is ruining every single dramatic panel in this flashback

this was so dark and intense... and then I spotted the lil bubs in the corner. Horikoshi please control yourself

“some hero you are, running away” and then all of a sudden, “FIVE YEARS LATER” lol what. OKAY THEN

(ETA: love the confirmation that eight-year-old Natsu comes from the Iida school of puberty and is basically a fully grown man, and meanwhile Touya comes from the hobbit school of puberty and has been perpetually eight for the past five years.)

“HEY BIG BRO WANNA COME RECREATE AN ICONIC FLASHBACK SCENE WITH US. WE’VE GOT THE SOCCER BALL RIGHT HERE, BUT HURRY UP OR WE’LL BE TOO LATE FOR SHOUTO TO WALK ON BY AND STOP TO LOOK”

lol and that’s literally the next three panels. but Horikoshi did add this extra bit after Endeavor starts to drag Shouto away

seriously Enji what the hell did you expect was going to happen here. “Touya went nuts and tried to kill his little brother out of jealousy, so let’s make it clearer than ever that Shouto is the important child and all the other children are just rejects. this will definitely not make the problem 100x worse, and will surely lead to Touya giving up and living a happy life, having been emotionally abandoned by the person he admired more than anyone.” good for you pal you figured it all out. no need for that plan b, “we all just go to therapy”

anyway so he’s telling Shouto he can’t play because he needs more endurance training. and meanwhile Touya’s patented Todoroki Drama Genes are going through puberty as well

definitely the face of a happy, emotionally stable child who’s not still plotting to murder his younger brother in his sleep

“WELL ACTUALLY MAKESTE” lol I stand corrected??

apparently during the five year interim Touya actually stopped blaming Shouto and realized Enji was the one at fault. good for him! a bit inconsistent, given what we know happens later, but I assume we’ll get to that in good time

anyway. “yeah man I agree that dad sucks, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m only eight and you’ve been monologuing for the past two hours bro”

LMAO

the manga is making my jokes for me, only better. fine then

looks like someone’s still miffed about that disagreement he had with his baby sister back when she was like four

“Fuyu doesn’t get properly riled up like I want her to so ranting to her is annoying.” okay but having been in Fuyu’s shoes, it really is just a different way of coping, and I can guarantee she’s not as fine with the whole situation as Touya might think. but making your peace with something is often a decision that’s made for emotional self-preservation reasons. and I sure as hell don’t fault her for trying to shut out a situation that she had no control over, and trying to make the best of it, and scrape together as normal a childhood as she could manage

and now in Touya’s defense as well, that is of course easier said than done, and I’m sure if there was a “push this button and instantly get over all of the trauma in your life” switch readily available for Touya then he would have pushed it too. unfortunately it’s not always that simple

so now Rei is pleading with Touya not to go train up on his little emo hill again, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed since he was eight

I don’t think he gives two figs about being a hero; he just wants his father to look at him again with pride. fucking hell, stop doing this to me you damn Todorokis

guh, they keep telling him the same thing over and over again

even if we hadn’t already known he was gonna go melt his jawbone off soon, I wouldn’t have expected a line like that to go over well

yep. fuck

that Todoroki puberty angst, though. nothing else quite like it

“you have a part in this too, Mom” ooooooh man

okay but look, he’s not entirely wrong. like, I’m not saying any of this is Rei’s fault at all! she’s in an impossible situation where she’s afraid to stand up to Enji (who by this point has shown that he’s willing to physically attack her if things get too heated, which is terrifying), and doesn’t really have anywhere to turn for support. her parents aren’t helping much if at all, and Japan in general is just a terrible country to be in when you’re in a domestic abuse situation. everyone’s expected to put on a brave face and deal with their problems all on their own in private. Rei is basically completely isolated at this point, and she doesn’t know what else to do, and so she’s just trying to keep the situation as stable as possible for the kids

but on the other hand, “for the kids” is also where that argument starts to break down a bit, because at this point Shouto is also being physically abused by his father, and the other kids are continuing to be neglected (emotionally if not physically), as they have been for years. so the situation really isn’t stable at all for them. and as a kid, what you end up learning in that type of situation is that you can’t rely on either parent. not the abusive one, certainly, but also not the other one who can’t protect you from any of it. even if they love you and they’re trying, they’re just as helpless as you. Rei is struggling to deal with all of this with one hand tied behind her back, and I get it, and I’m not blaming her at all. but all the same, particularly given that she’s (understandably) putting almost all her focus on Shouto, the end result is that the other kids have basically been left to fend for themselves

so yeah! a shitty situation all around. and one of those cases where it’s not really anyone’s fault (aside from Enji’s), but I can understand the resentment Touya is feeling all the same. and I’m so glad Horikoshi is acknowledging this, because it’s something I probably would have been too uncomfortable to bring up otherwise. as it is it’s still an incredibly heavy subject, and one that I probably have too many personal feelings about

anyway, so once again the whole “we’ll try talking to him and then just shrug our shoulders when it doesn’t work” parenting strategy doesn’t really pan out for the Todoroki fam

sob this boy is Anakin Skywalkering before our very eyes. all that’s missing is AFO to come and start whispering in his ear. any minute now...

“anyway so then he got taller and his fire changed from red to blue”

guess we’re getting pretty close then huh. this is the part of the flashback that I really don’t want to see, but also unfortunately the part that I’m most curious about :/

oh for fuck’s --

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IGNORING HIM FOR FIVE YEARS DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM” sob. back to the drawing board I guess

I thought he got taller, why is he still only like a third of Enji’s height here

oh fuck me these are armor-piercing feels. this is the heavy artillery right here

ENJI I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP AND THINK FOR ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE DOING SOMETHING YOU’LL REGRET FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME. your child just told you that he still thinks beating All Might is the only thing you care about, and that he believes his existence is a mistake unless he finds some way of doing that for you. please stop for a moment to contemplate that and choose your next words with care and grace and oh who the hell am I kidding

-- OR WE COULD JUST BLAME REI

go on and blame everyone but yourself then!! that’s a great solution!! jesus christ man I know this is Endeavor at his literal worst but still this is fucking hard to watch

POOR BABY SHOUTO IS YELLING AT HIS DAD NOT TO HIT HIS MOMMY THIS LITTLE BRAVE BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS OH MY GOD

AND MEANWHILE THE OTHERS ARE HUDDLED IN THE NEXT ROOM TRYING NOT TO CRY AH FUCK

(ETA: Fuyu covering Natsu’s ears cuts RIGHT TO THE CORE OF ME. Horikoshi if you’re really not gonna get these kids some therapy then at least consider giving your readers some. what is this.)

you know it’s bad when you’re starting to think the part where the kid burns to death might actually be a less traumatic thing to cut to right now

holy shit, actual Rei thoughts

“I was the one who ultimately made that choice” well there we go, wonder if that’ll put that whole argument to bed at last. I doubt it, but you never know. actually who am I kidding it’s not gonna settle jack shit lol

oh thank god, they decided it was getting too intense and cut away back to the present to narrate this next (final?) part

get ready to cue up that Alicia Keys. THIS BOY IS ON FIREEEEEEE

yeah I think that’s one thing we can mostly all agree on. neither of them had any clue what the fuck they were doing pretty much at any point. though I will say that the hypocrisy of him being all “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM” followed by him IMMEDIATELY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING is a bit rich

(ETA: and he still has this problem, doesn’t he? he froze up when Ending snatched Natsuo, and again when Dabi was attacking Shouto. he’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing that he ends up not doing anything, which of course is exactly what led to Touya’s death. damn Enji I guess you’ve still got some additional character development to unlock.)

and of course neither of them could possibly have known how badly it was going to turn out. like, the consequences here were WAY disproportionate even for the shittiest of parenting. no one expects “I didn’t know how to talk to my son” to snowball into “my son burned to death and then somehow came back as a villain and murdered thirty people”

ohhhhhhhh fuck me

LITERALLY INCINERATED THE ENTIRE HILLSIDE. fuck. and I am so not ready for the scene of Enji finding the remains of his jawbone afterwards. at least we were spared anything super-graphic (for now at least)

I feel like the timeline here is off, btw?? wasn’t Touya’s death supposed to happen after Rei got hospitalized? this might be the first actual retcon of the entire flashback. although I think it makes more sense this way tbh

I do appreciate that ten years later Enji is finally reflecting on the fact that if he’d just given up his stupid obsession he could have stopped his family from crumbling apart. that probably sounds sarcastic as fuck, but it’s not. there are countless jerks out there who would have still managed to find a way to blame literally everyone and everything under the sun except for themselves. at least he finally figured out how to take responsibility, even if it came too late to stop his son from dying and being radicalized into a villain terrorist organization

and speaking of, it seems to me we’re missing a third and final part to this little tale of woe, and one which only Touya himself will be able to shed any light on. so we’ll see how that goes

oh man seeing the other kids blaming themselves even though none of it was their fault hits hard af. Rei wasn’t kidding when she said they’d been bearing that burden of guilt far longer than Enji

SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT PANEL IS YOU APOLOGIZING FOR BEING BORN, I WILL... WELL I’LL BE VERY SAD, I GUESS. SO DON’T DO IT

oh good he’s just being quiet. good. it absolutely is not your fault lil bean. it’s not theirs either, but feeling guilty about things that aren’t your fault is a time-honored shounen tradition

goddammit I braced myself for the angsty Shouto panel a page too early. gotta do it all over again now lol. okay here goes

;_;

well well well would you look at that

imagine that. talking things out with your child before they make a rash decision. looks like the Todorokis’ parenting skills are finally leveling up

OH MY GOD

holy shit. this is the most quintessential moment of father/son Todoroki bonding in the entire series. for me it even tops the “nice scar” scene lol. Enji sobbing at the fact that he still has a chance to set things right. and Shouto offering his hand in what is actually the most mature and selfless gesture I’ve ever seen, and being all “we’ll stop him together” to his dad who he hates, but also doesn’t really entirely hate anymore. and all of that is incredibly moving... BUT ALSO HE STILL REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE WOULD LIKE HIM TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ALREADY IF YOU DON’T MIND. “WHEN YOU’RE DONE CRYING...” fkjldsk

OH MY FUCKING LORD

(ETA: wouldn’t be a Todoroki drama fest if there wasn’t somebody listening in on the whole thing in secret just around the corner lmao.)

“you think we should have waited somewhere else?” “yeah, probably.” “are you feeling a lot of secondhand embarrassment too?” “god, you have no idea.” STFU HAWKS IT’S NOT EMBARASSING TO BE MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR FAMILY ALL COMING TOGETHER IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR TO GIVE YOU HOPE THAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T DESERVE BUT ARE NONETHELESS INDESCRIBABLY GRATEFUL FOR

and anyway you chose these guys as your found family, bucko. too late to back out now. next time go get yourself adopted by the Iidas then

AND MEANWHILE NO WORD ON THE WHOLE “HOW DID A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SURVIVE A FIRE THAT COVERED HIS BODY WITH HORRIFIC SCARS AND MELTED HIS JAW OFF, AND HOW DID HE SOMEHOW THEN MANAGE TO GO INTO HIDING FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS, AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT INTERIM TO CHANGE HIS GOAL FROM ‘SURPASS ALL MIGHT TO IMPRESS MY DAD’ TO ‘KILL ALL HEROES TO MAKE MY DAD SUFFER’.” as if we don’t know the answer to that. but still, would it kill Horikoshi to just confirm AFO’s involvement in all of this already. at this point it’s basically just a formality

so here’s hoping next week we’ll either get that, or more Hawks action, or (DARE I EVEN SUGGEST, I’M AFRAID TO JINX IT) finally cut back to Bakugou and Deku and All Might omg. either way I’m hyped

[padfootspuppy]

Regulus black headcanon:

He was a hat stall, but eventually his determination to prove his worth by becoming a slytheirn is what made the hat put him there

He was either not talking or sarcastic af

That’s why he didn’t make any friends at hogwarts and always felt out of place

That was until one day he discovered the kitchen house elves

He eventually became on a first name basis with all of them and would hang out in the kitchens in his spare time

They’d always prepare food for him and made sure he didn’t skip meals while working

However occasionally he’d eat with professor Slughorn

At the time, he was Slughorn’s favorite and reminded Slughorn a lot of Tom riddle

Regulus never spoke much while he ate with Slughorn

That was fine thought because Slughorn spoke enough for the two of them

notices EVERYTHING down to that bad hair day you had last summer

LOVES puzzles and riddles

Would sneak into the ravenclaw dorms when he was bored to try figure out the puzzle to the dorm

Though he’s never been inside the ravenclaw dorms

He is always cold for some reason and being in the dungeons makes it 100xs worse

He starts becoming close to kreacher in his 4th year when Sirius leaves him

Kreacher caught him crying to himself and he almost expected kreacher to yell at him for it

However when kreacher didn’t he found himself pouring his feelings to his house elf

After that he shut himself out for weeks in embarrassment because “real men don’t cry”

When he finally saw kreacher again, he was surprised kreacher didn’t tell anyone

Kreacher and him bonded over knowing what it was like to be neglected

When he was 9, he overheard his parents talking about how Sirius was sorted into gryffindor and how much of a disappointment Sirius was

That was the first time he saw his parents physically attack his brother and since then he tried everything to avoid having the same fate

That was when he started collecting posters on Voldemort

By the summer of his 6th year, he was recruited

He felt numb

He didn’t care

He just needed to impress his parents

Then the summer leading to his 7th year Voldemort asked for a house elf volunteer

Regulus offered up kreacher

He had no idea what the task was and didn’t dare ask

However days went by and kreacher was nowhere to be found

The task was only supposed to take hours

Regulus had a vague idea where kreacher was and set out to find him

When he found kreacher, kreacher was near death

He was suffering so much pain and agony

Regulus blamed himself for it all

That was the moment he realized

This wasn’t what he wanted

It was never what he wanted

To hurt people

To bash them for no reason

He needed to find out what that potion was for

At 17 he ran away and set out

It took him a year, but regulus eventually discovered horcruxes

He knew where the potion lay as he rescued kreacher from there a year earlier

He brought kreacher with him as they set out to the island

When regulus saw the potion, he freaked

Kreacher was freaking out even more

They both knew what it was

And they both knew someone had to drink it

Kreacher reluctantly reached his arms out to grab the liquid, however regulus stopped him

Instead regukus gave kreacher a command

“Feed it to me. No matter how much I resist.”

Kreacher’s eyes went wide

No one has done such a thing for him before

He knew that he would’ve taken the drink for regulus

He was used to this

But a wizard poisoning themselves so a house elf wouldn’t have to

Kreacher tried his hardest to disobey the order but he couldn’t

It was too straight forward

His hands moved on his own accord as regulus brought his lips to the drink

Regulus’s body felt on fire

He was in complete agony

He tried not to show his pain

But failed letting out a blood curdling scream

Then another

And another

And another

Until he had halfway lost his voice

He couldn’t continue

He begged and begged kreacher to stop

However nothing worked

He had no idea how he could continue on like this

He couldn’t

It was too much

He was too much of a coward to continue

However the drink kept getting shoved into his mouth

And he was forced to swallow every time

Until finally the bowl was empty

He could barely think

He was on fire

His lungs

His arms

His entire body

“Water-“

He hurried over to the water surrounding them when suddenly a hand pulled him in

Kreacher immediately came to his rescue and saved his master

Standing in front of the tall boy to protect him from the unknown kreacher

However regulus didn’t obey

He went past kreacher to the water

He needed to drink it

Just a sip

Yet again kreacher saved him

But this time regulus gave him a direct order

“Don’t move”

Kreacher tried to protest but it didn’t work

He stood still as he saw his master reach the edge and suddenly a hand grabbed him

It looks sort of human

Kreacher saw it all

The hand pull his master down

His master fighting for air

His master trying to reach surface

Then his master giving up

His body going limp even tho he still could physically fight

And then the air bubbles stopped

Minutes later the order to stay in place was lifted

There was only one way that could’ve happened

And it was all kreacher’s fault

If he had only drunk the potion first

Or found a way to save his master

Regulus would’ve been alive

And well

Kreacher didn’t waste much time dwelling on that

He knew he had to make regulus’s death worth something

So he took the note regulus had written and summoned it from the water, drying it off

He then placed the note and took the locket

He finally apparated out of the place

He’d seen it all

He’d seen the only person to ever care for him die in front of his eyes

And he knew in that moment

He would NEVER forgive himself

[thetaoofbetty]

i am both impressed and terrified by the long asks you guys are managing to send:

one of the reason why i love betty (and bughead) it's the fact that no one does understans her for real, aside from jughead.—as much as it's a facet of her not being written with confidants outside of jughead for the most part, i still think this would be true. they've always written bughead as such kindred spirits that it's hard to deny that he really does just get her. and she him.

people like to say "betty's a bad friend", but did't they forget even others never been 100% her friend. archie? oh he's the first one to judge her kevin? drama first. betty second. cheryl? she bullied her before. veronica? ugh i love b/eronica so much but the writers, well...anyways we were talking about people understanding betty, dare i remind you when veronica doubt of the fact that betty would have actually killed jughead.—i will say upfront that i think veronica is a good friend to betty when they remember to write them as friends. she did drink poison for her, ha. but yes, i remember that veronica doubted betty there. and archie is judgmental of her for sure. i do think cheryl sees herself in betty at times and both hates and loves her for it depending on the day.

i will also say that betty gets a lot of heat for being a bad friend but the isolation and using of supporting characters (and veronica) as a prop plot for her storylines is just a flaw within the writing. they never let this girl breathe unless she's around jughead, tbh.

now betty been through a lot (writers never acknowledge the character's mental helath i know but everynow and then they made an effort for cheryl's and i always thought she and betty have few similitudes but at least she been able to let her put out her emotions)—i am sure they'll address her mental health in the way that makes it 100x worse at some pivotal moment that will be lost in the madness.

but i've read things that makes me really upset. they really think that a girl who was raised to be perfect, who had to deal with a cult and much more, the daughter of a serial killer, a girl who had to pretend that her boyfriend was dead and think maybe for the first hours it was her fault, doesn't deserve love because she kissed her childhood crush and drowned into this nostalgia when things were fine and,  rememeber? a week or something before idk she was literally at jughead's "funeral".—betty deserves love, no matter what anyone says about it. she's apologized, she lost jughead, she's paid those emotional consequences. it's not her fault that some people can't let that go. the only person who's opinion matters on that is jughead and they're going to work it out and move on and come back stronger than before as adults.

i know, i know, they want new endgames but...no. not only is riverdale not a show that does any type of slowburn, so i also don't think he's going to "get over" (like the b/a theories like to say) her and move on only to leave her what? alone? are they going to introduce a last minute love interest for her? so the show can erase 4 years of bughead history? i really, really don't think so. and not because i ship it but because, frankly, it's a business. and they know that their 2 most popular characters sell better together than apart.

that, and i don't remember what ted said exactly but he said something along the lines of them not being thrilled when he said they needed to break up the couples. that's not indicative of a show that has any interest in new long term love interests. no matter what parts of the fandom says.

she apologized for that 7 years ago now, and i'm sure she will again when bh reunites. she payed for her mistake, because it was just that, a mistake. she's currently using sex as a coping mechanism for being in a murderer hole for weeks or more, do i hate that? yes.—mood.

especially since archie didn't give a fuck about her and enjoyed sex, i'm sorry but i had to say it.—yeah, i am not a fan of the way he talked about someone who's supposed to have been his lifelong friend to someone who he sort of kept diminishing her to. not a good look to me. i get the narrative reasons for it but eh, still didn't like that.

they definitely didn't want us to root for them, they would have never had him talk like that otherwise. especially with such a stark contrast to jughead's soft concern and patience with her in the next episode.

but i'll never take that against betty like some people do. because it's just sex. but i hate she's feeling doing it in that way just for ignoring her trauma. i know i'm biased but not even stupid things she does will make me love betty less, because she's human, she does good and bad things, that's it. like everyone irl and in riverdale.—no one in riverdale is the best person at this point? like, they're all messed up (pop tate remains the exception, his perfection cannot be matched). we lose objectivity with our faves, sure, but at the end of the day, they're all flawed and make mistakes.

i hope that some people remember that compassion isn't actually a mythical concept and find a little for her in the future.

and she's a girl who happened to fall in love with a boy (and i happened to fall in love with both of them but that's not about me) who been through a lot too. she hurt him, sure. she apologized and now he wants to forgive her. because she's more than that stupid kiss. and we'll get bh exes to lovers 2k21.—you're right. bughead exes to lovers 2k21!

ok now i'm sorry this is way too long but i wanted to get this off my chest because i'm tired of all this betty hate and also because you love betty as much you love jughead and i love your takes on them. now i'm done, have a good day or night !!—you're sweet, lovely! i do love them both and i'm looking forward to seeing them reunited. you have a good day or night too!💜

[seesgood]

i put it under a read more so its literally on you if you click it but back by unpopular demand: Marvel Caroline Headcanons ! 

when she starts at shield she starts in the basement and she gets a super shitty cubicle, but please don’t ever make fun of her cubicle she loves the shit out of it she gets so excited to have her own space and she feels so official and so important and like she’s going to do good in the world and then by the time catws happens she loses all of that faith and trust because she realizes all the work she’s done has gone into the wrong hands and she’s put good people’s lives at risk :’) 

i still fully maintain that she had a very minor / beginnings of a file on peter before tony brought him in in cacw because of course there were at least a dozen spiderman videos on the internet i mean come on

no but she is and will always be Team Cap because she 100% has a really stupid crush on him but to be fair so does everyone and no please don’t mention it she’ll be Mortified 

the first shield agent that actually treated her like a person was coulson and she adored him and respected him so much for that because he was always just nice and when he died it gutted her 

she has absolutely zero powers and abilities but she’s fiercely protective over every single one of the avengers and honorary avengers and anyone they care about. 10/10 will throw hands ( and lose ) for them

for the most part by the time cacw ends she’s gotten pretty okay with being around the original six without being like omgomgomgomg --- but if you leave her in a room alone with either steve or thor she’s Going To Forget Words ( and again, who wouldn’t? ) 

natasha is her favorite, she’ll just never admit it 

after endgame she literally doesn’t know what to do with herself because everything she knows and has had faith in for so long is just gone and she has no idea how to move forward and everything is so different but everyone is trying so hard to go back to normal that she just doesn’t know what to do 

like 100% the years following endgame are harder than the 5 years following the blip because she just feels like she has no purpose and the people she could always depend on are just gone 

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but bonnie and elena were taken out in the blip and she can’t recover from that 

her tendency to get overly obsessive and slightly manic about things ( especially when it comes to fixing things ) is 100x worse in this verse than it is in any other. like she won’t sleep or eat or do anything else but try and fix something until she runs herself into the ground

when she’s still at shield in the beginning when she’s researching potential recruits and she finds someone who could help but clearly just wants to be normal, she “loses” the file or shreds it or doctors it in a way that makes sure the person never gets on shields radar 

she. is. literally. incapable. of. not. caring. about. any. one. of. these. people. you give her a .00002% of a reason to care and she will. don’t underestimate her

tony annoys her to no end and she probably perpetually glares at him

still wants to punch loki in the face 

please don’t insult peggy carter to her face, she knows she’s flawed but god damn it that woman is her hero ( tied for first with pepper potts ) 

speaking of which: pepper potts is her favorite avenger don’t start that debate with her like for real she will bring out a list of Villains You Would Not Have Defeated If Pepper Hadn’t Been There 

she wrote a paper on the legacy of steve rogers when she was in high school. again, please don’t bring it up. she’ll be mortified. 

she literally adores wanda. like she won’t deal with anyone saying a bad word of wanda. use the words “weapon of mass destruction” or “former terrorist” in front of her in regards to wanda maximoff and Feel Her Wrath 

she’s a westview apologist. like, is it irrational? yeah. does she care? no. at that rate if wanda wanted to burn the whole world down she’d hand her the match and some gasoline. 

she’s my Token Side Character Human and i love her.

[thisdreamplace]

The friendship situation you’ve changed for yourself,,, I related SO much. Your previous situation is where I am in my life right now. I did have quite some friends pre lockdown (before finding about the law), which made me think that what I want is here but then it slowed down and reverted back to the old situation after moving back to my town. Could you talk a little in depth of your change? Were i am one of a kind, i am their favorite, i am the best they ever knew/had, your affirmations?

I will try my best to explain what I did in depth!!

So basically, I want everyone to realize it’s possible to change even the “worst” parts of your life. Because I cannot stress enough how this was such a “problem” area in my life, for basically all my life. Like, my lack of satisfying relationships with people coupled with the fact I had an incessant need to feel and be treated as special, had me in a constant rock bottom. I guess you can say I really got through this by playing out the victim mentality until I couldn’t anymore. Like, I guess I really had to get it out my system. That doesn’t mean all y’all will. But I’m the kind of person where I must allow myself to feel what I feel, so it makes sense to me why it was sort of a dramatic experience releasing the old story lmao So my point in mentioning that is, you can feel terrible and feel like you’re going nowhere and life will still change for the better as you persist. This is why persisting is so important.

So anyway, I finally got all the crying and victim mentality out of my system. This is where I can say things started to change, because what happened was I got so tired of the hard days/nights that I moved into acceptance. Like, “you know what, maybe things are literally so opposite of what I want to be experiencing right now but that’s just gonna have to be okay. Because I can’t keep living a life that is so focused on the circumstances, that I can’t even have a good day if the things outside of me aren’t to my liking.” It just wasn’t okay with me anymore, so I started accepting things instead... for me. Not in a giving up way, but in a my peace of mind is so much more important type of way.

So anyway, by this point in time I was tired of affirming so I cannot tell you that I was out here affirming because I wasn’t. All I really did was accept things and intend for things. I tried to consistently see myself in a high regard. This looked like seeing something I didn’t like but being like “okay. whatever. It is what it is. I don’t need this thing to be happy anyway.” I know some people are good at the whole, aggressive “no it’s MY way, period!” kind of thing, but for me it just makes me feel worse so it’s better for me to just chill tf out and allow things to be, while focusing more on the inner work. I would try to focus on bringing myself up in my mind, instead of looking for the outside validation. I had to be careful and make sure I didn’t do this out of resentment. I had to shift into seeing taking responsibility as a lovely thing that must be done, because within the law there is no one to change but self. The more I allowed myself to accept that, the more it became easier to just focus on changing myself.

I wasn’t perfect. You don’t have to be this perfect person who never gets hurt or upset. I would try everyday, to walk as if I am the person who has it all within. That I am the Goddess of the world within and I am loved by all. But that doesn’t mean everyday was great. That doesn’t mean that plenty of times I felt like I just wanted to run away from the world. Some days I didn’t even want to think about the law. Some days I just simply couldn’t stand to be around others, but I had to go out into the world anyway. And in that way, I was bold. I felt terrible but I was bold enough to dare to think, “you know what. I have nothing to prove. My interactions with others can still be amazing because I am loved no matter what.” And I got through it, even if I didn’t feel like I could. I am big on being loved for me, without even trying. I want to be regarded as the upmost greatest for simply breathing. Not for becoming someone I am not, so I emphasized this heavily on the harder moments.

So, a bit of self-acceptance and love is at play here. Because, I learned two things that really helped me: consciousness is the only reality, of course. But also that the inner self is the artist and the outer self is the painting. So, if the inner self feels punished, the outer self will end up being punished. If the inner self feels embarrassed and terrible to be who they are, the outer self will feel these effects in their experiences. Do you see what I’m trying to say here? I really started to give myself the acceptance and love I wanted for so long, in a comforting way. So, this looked like immediately forgiving myself for the things I did say and the things I didn’t say. Immediately accepting myself even if I did look like a fool in front of someone. If I did/said something I am not proud of, I simply reminded myself to not make the mistake again, instead of punishing myself and harshly judging myself within. Just giving myself that space to be accepted and loved for all my moments, really played a big part in my opinion. If I want to experience a world where I am so loved for just being me, well then I must begin with my inner world and give myself that gift. Even when I am crying and so upset, I remind myself that I am accepted like that. People don’t turn away from me or become tired of me. They love me fully. Relaxing into the fact your Godself is the epitome of unconditional love helps with accepting this kind of love for yourself, at least it did for me.

Some days, I did fully go back to the victim mentality. The biggest thing was though, no matter what, I knew I couldn’t stop persisting. Some days, doubts would creep in telling me people don’t mean it. Back in the day, I used to run with that. A person could have told me they loved me 100x and as soon as they left I would go back to obsessing over the fact they probably hate me now and are over me. So, now I make a point to do the exact opposite. I am so comfortable talking about the compliments I get because I try my best to not let them slide. I take them to absolute heart, because this is my reality now. So I accept all the beautiful and lovely things, even when I feel scared to believe it. Accepting the lovely moments in full really helps you realize the law works and is responding to your inner efforts, in my opinion. Seriously, I take every little good thing and milk the hell out of it. The same way I used to do with the undesirable things. Try it, it works wonders for your confidence.

Anytime little things may have happened that made my insecurities creep back up, I would just do a self-reassurance/validation kind of thing in my mind. Especially now, since I am understanding/accepting more and more that consciousness is the only reality... it’s a lot more easier to see something that is happening in the 3D that kind of hurts my lil sensitive baby feelings, and not let it bother me on a deep level. Like, ouch. But I don’t have to identify with it. It’s not even true, because only love is true. And if it’s unlovely to me, it simply isn’t the truth. Only love is true. With this understanding, I can keep moving, staying within the story that I prefer. Because I know that unlovely illusion is my old story. I know I am the best, the greatest, the most wonderful. And in good times, my mind may try to resort to the “they don’t really mean it” game and I remind myself, nah. They definitely do mean it. People mean every word they say to me and they don’t hesitate to show they mean it either. That is my story within and I don’t need an outer reason to stick to it. I stick to it because I like it and it makes me feel good. That’s the only reason I need for persisting.

So uhhh yeah, I don’t even know if any of that makes sense. But to sum it up:

There is no one to change but self. There really is nothing crazy and extraneous you need to do. As you can see, I had plenty of off days and still got what I wanted because I persisted. The only type of technique I did was the lullaby method, where I repeated an affirmation to fall asleep. But I only did that for a couple weeks because I get bored of the same affirmations. Oh, and of course I meditated. And I can say a heavy focus in my meditations is feeling loved. But I guess the biggest thing I did was just change the way I see myself, regardless of what the 3D would show me. And I just persisted in my new self concept, without needing outer validation.

I tried to not make this all over the place but not sure I did well. haha Hopefully this is helpful!! 💖

[booitislife]

Let’s Talk About Periods

My period is horrible. I have heard people who don’t get periods say: “It can’t be that bad.” Yes, yes it can. Some studies suggest that cramps can be a worse pain for women than a heart attack. My period technically starts a few days before bleeding. I get a period flu. A period flu is a few days of unexplained illness and flu-like symptoms (low grade fever, chills, etc) a few days before your period starts. I didn’t used to get this, but my body decided I needed this. The first time I got it, my doctor put me on antibiotics thinking I had a sinus infection. (She is proactive about fevers because I am a transplant patient).

My minor symptoms are bloating, diarrhea, lethargy, sometimes headaches, I get irritable, my breasts hurt for a few days, and some other lesser inconveniences. However - my biggest two issues? Pain and bleeding.

Bleeding - I bleed for eight to ten days every month. Usually the first one and last two of the cycle are light. I tend to have one or two very heavy days, depending on the month, and when I say heavy - I mean clots. Lots of them. I will soak through a ten hour pad in less than two hours. I have lost so many pairs of underwear. I now have “period underwear” that is darker or just old so I don’t care if it gets stained. The rest of the days are moderate.

Pain - This is the worst part of my period. I start cramping on day one and I usually don’t stop until the second to last day of my period. When I say it’s bad - I mean excruciating. I was once taken to the hospital by my mom because I couldn’t breathe right during cramps. The doctors rushed me in, thinking I was having a miscarriage, a burst cyst, or maybe appendicitis. They did lab work and ultrasounds. While I was waiting they gave me fentanyl, which is 80-100x stronger than morphine. I could still feel the pain. It dulled it, but didn’t negate it. The doctor came back in shock - there was nothing wrong. No miscarriage, no cysts, and my appendix looked great. These were just the cramps I was going to have to live with. I was given pain meds for every month - 20 - to deal with that I’m going through.

I have a few period journal entries that I would like to post. If you don’t want to read, please scroll down past the blue writing. Sadly, these are only four of dozens of examples.

September 17, 2020 - Day 5 of my period.

Woke up with horrible cramps that were so bad I was shaking. Slept on the couch again because I was tossing and turning so much from the pain. Didn’t fall asleep until nearly 4. Passed a clot which, usually by day 5, will alleviate some of the pain, but it didn’t. The exhaustion took over and I fell asleep until about 11:30, but when I woke up I was so tired I could barely move.

November 16, 2020 - Day 4 of my period.

I could not sleep last night. The pain is intense and comes in waves. The bleeding started to get heavy a little after 7AM. It’s a little after 8:30 when I’m writing this and I have passed 2 large clots and probably 5-6 smaller ones. I soaked through 1 pad already. I’m going back to bed and hopefully sleep for a few hours. Woke up with horrible cramps. Haven’t been able to get out of bed. Managed to get some food down to take my antibiotic, but that’s it. I am exhausted and the pain is radiating to my knees.

February 9, 2021 - Day 3 of my period.

I finally fell asleep around three, but I woke up a little after five with searing cramps. They went down my legs and around my back. I could barely think straight. I took meds, tried meditation, used a heating pad. Nothing helped, I finally passed a big clot and the pain subsided. I moved to the couch and was almost asleep when the pain started again around 9. I did everything the same - meds, meditation, heat. I’m going to try to get some more sleep.

April 14, 2021 - Day 2 of my period.

Having trouble getting to sleep. After taking pain meds and using pain cream on my back, the pain is just getting worse. I almost fell asleep, but woke up in pain. It’s 1:30 AM, and I am heading downstairs to lay on the couch with my heating pad. I can’t get comfortable and the pain is getting worse. It’s 5AM. I still can’t sleep. The pain is very bad. I just want to sleep through it and I can’t. Couldn’t sleep. The pain has somehow gotten worse over the afternoon. As of right now, I have pain meds in my system, pain cream on my back and abdomen, I took a very hot bath, and I am now laying with a heating pad. I am still in searing pain. I can’t do this much longer. I burst into tears a few minutes ago. Why won’t someone help me?

I have asked doctors, so many times, to have a hysterectomy. At first I was told I was too young. Then? I was told my husband would need to sign off on such a procedure. My husband was more than ready. If anything, he was just overtly appalled that he would have to do that, or that any doctor worth there degree would ask that. He asked what it would take for him to get a vasectomy. They said just call a urologist. “Would she have to sign off?” He asked indicating me, and when he was told no he said: “This is a ridiculous double standard. booitislife can make her own choices.”

I have seen 6 OBGYN’s in the last 8 years. The first told me I was too young. She offered a procedure called an Endometrial ablation. It does greatly reduce the bleeding issues. However, I wasn’t really worried about the bleeding - I was worried about the pain. She told me it wouldn’t really do anything for the pain, so I said no. I have to be careful with my transplanted kidney and any kind of anesthesia can be dangerous.

The second OBGYN was a man in the same office who was also conducting a cervical biopsy on me. I’ll never forgot the intense flash of pain and how I nearly yelled, but I did start to cry. According to my husband there was blood spray on the floor as the doctor looked up at me and said in a condescending voice - “That doesn’t hurt! Come on!” And then he laughed. He wouldn’t even discuss a hysterectomy. From that biopsy I learned I have pre-cancer on my cervix and underwent a LEEP procedure. They use a hoop wire heated by electric current to scrape off the parts that could become dangerous.

The third was about a half an hour away at a bigger hospital. He was the guy who did an endometrial biopsy on me. Different than the cervical biopsy, this was just a precaution after something looked off. He wasn’t as condescending as the others, and that biopsy came back normal. However, he wouldn’t do the hysterectomy either. He said I should go to a doctor in a hospital that has a transplant team - seemed reasonable.

Between the 3rd and 4th doctores I had been doing my research. I went to my nephrologist that was keeping track of my transplanted kidney, and told him about my struggles. He said he saw no issue with me getting a hysterectomy and, in fact, I should. He even confirmed with the current head of transplant from the hospital I had my transplant surgery in. So, I was off - feeling more confident. This new OBGYN was a doctor at my transplant hospital.

The fourth OBGYN - or as I call him “The Biggest Mother Fucker I had the displeasure to meet”. He dismissed a lot of my concerns quickly, and talked to me as if I didn’t know anything. Then, he asked if I wanted to try an IUD. Now, I have nothing against anyone who gets an IUD. If that is for you, and it’s working - awesome. I know my brain. I know my brain would focus on everything bad an IUD could do. I politely explained this to my doctor. This wasn’t an option for me. My panic would go crazy. He wrote some things down and told me he wanted to to a procedure just to check for any cancer cells that could be hiding, but (and oh yes, there was a big but) he would only do the procedure if I signed yes to getting a Mirana IUD. I had to sign a consent form before he would even schedule the procedure. So, I did. Then I canceled my procedure and never went to see him again. Oh, also, this asshole handed me pro-life pamphlets on my way out.

The fifth OBGYN - more trusting, no results. At this point I was exhausted. I was tired of trying and being let down, fighting to get an appointment. This OBGYN was a woman and she worked in the same office as the second guy I went to. I laid it all out for her. I told her what the previous doctor did. I told her about the pain, about not being able to barely move. I poured out my heart and soul to her. She empathized, then told me she did not feel comfortable doing my hysterectomy. Because the uterus is close to the transplanted kidney, she thought I needed a specialist. A type of doctor called an OBGYN oncologist. As luck would have it, there was one on staff at my transplant hospital. I waited and waited for an appointment. I waited for over a year. Finally they called and said they were just too booked. They had one doctor who did it, and it was most dire cases first. I understand that. So, I wasn’t angry or frustrated this time. The office at the hospital asked me if I would like to see another OBGYN on staff. I said as long as it wasn’t OBGYN Biggest Mother Fucker I had the Displeasure to Meet. I asked if it could be a woman and we set it up.

Okay, the last one for now. The OBGYN they set me up with was a resident. She seemed nice at first. We sat and talked about my pain, the exhaustion. She wanted to talk birth control options. Great. Her advice to me was to stay away from the shot and the implant. She agreed about the IUD not being right for me. So, she said she wanted me to start talking the pill. I stopped her. I had been on the pill twice. Once when I was 16, another time when I was 24. Two different kinds. Both times I had side effects. The most prominent was this intense stomach cramp. I would get headaches, nausea, extreme weight gain. I couldn’t live my life. I told this doctor that and she didn’t even look at me in the eye when she said...... “Well, I won’t even consider a hysterectomy until you’re on six full months of birth control.” It didn’t matter what other symptoms I had. It didn’t matter what I was and wasn’t comfortable with, not really. So, here I am, looking for lucky number 7 when it comes to OBGYN’s.

As I sit here tonight, losing a lot of blood through clots, being so tired I can’t think, but in too much pain to sleep. I found myself so angry. About an hour before I started writing this I had a pretty big panic attack. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. But - Tuesday night I slept for three hours. Last night I slept about five. Tonight it is almost 3 AM and I’m still awake. The pain is exhausting, but also keeps me awake. It also makes me tense. So, parts of my body started tingling. Instead of my logical side taking over and saying, “Yeah, you have been clenching for four days. You’re gonna feel odd things.” I convinced myself I was dying and had to take medicine. I am so tired on a deep level. I don’t want to have to go through this anymore, and I don’t know if that makes me sound selfish... I just.., I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS ANYMORE.

So, here we are. If you experience cramps like I do, I am so truly sorry. You don’t deserve them, and if I could do something to help you - I would in a heartbeat. People should not have to live like this. Doctors should listen to us and hear when we say that something like this is, genuinely, detrimental to our lives. If we want permanent birth control whether it be our tubes tied, an ablation, or a hysterectomy - it’s our body. We should decide what we can do with it. Please don’t stop fighting. Please don’t stop advocating for yourself. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Have a good night, anyone who reads this. Thank you for reading this long-winded rant. Take care of yourself.